It’s my BIRTHDAY!!! day 50
Aug 27, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNTv50H8IMA

I hope you have happy birthday
super extra speciality I wanna wish you
happy birthday
may all your dreams come true today
because you really want in a million and
you mean the world to me
there's no one sweeter Daniel to wish a
happy birthday to hope you have a happy
birthday
and the truly wonderful year with all
the joy that you discerned all the
things that you hold dear is you really
something special and you totally rocked
my world there's no one sweeter than you
[Music]
may all your dreams come true today
what a million to me there's no one
sweeter than you wish happy birthday to
there's no one sweeter than you hope you
have a happy birthday super extra
special day I wanna wish you happy
birthday
may all your dreams come true today cuz
you really want in a million and you
mean the world to me there's no one
sweeter Daniel to wish a happy birthday
to hope you have a happy birthday and a
truly wonderful year oh but all the joy
let you
[Music]
there's no way all your dreams come true
is you really wanted a million
you mean to me there's no one sweeter
than your Jewish happy birthday -
there's no one sweeter than you - I hope
you have a happy birthday super extra
special day I wanna wish you happy
birthday
may all your dreams come true today cuz
you really want in a million and you
mean the world to me there's no one
sweeter Daniel to wish a happy birthday
to hope you have a happy birthday and a
truly wonderful year
[Music]
there's no way all your dreams come true
oh thank you happy birthday
[Music]
mimosa
[Music]
thank you oh he's a boy here's one give
his mama kisses it's okay i'll still win
from him in a little bit when they go to
change his diaper good morning happy
Sunday all over the place and yes today
is my birthday big 37 but um last night
when I went to bed well it was a little
bit before I went to bed my stomach
started really hurting and it
progressively got worse and worse and
worse and I was like literally in tears
it hurts so bad I have not experienced
stomach cramping like that since I my
gallbladder out honestly it was so bad I
ended up throwing up a couple times last
night I don't know all he had made me a
solid for dinner and the last couple
times that he made solids and he added
avocado to it for some reason my stomach
would be upset but it wasn't too too bad
but it would still be upset last night
when I ate my dinner
he added avocado to it and that's the
only thing that I could think of that
would have caused it but excuse me all I
know is I was miserable miserable so we
have decided that I don't think I can
have avocado anymore because clearly
something is going on with it I just
don't know exactly what but I ended up
going to bed really early well not
really early but I am not watching any
TV with him I just was like I got to go
to bed um I took pepto-bismol a couple
times and nothing was relieving the
cramping and by the time I finally was
just like I'm sorry honey but I I'm
going to bed I can I was in tears
because it hurts so bad
so this morning I woke up and I'm not
cramping but I'm just really like
physically exhausted and I think it's
from being sick last night like it just
like made my body tired in my stomach
like my muscles hurt from throwing up
haven't done that since I was pregnant
so yeah I don't know
but I'm just like of all days ball days
today I have to be not feeling good it's
just frustrating but it's okay I'm gonna
make the best of it he's still gonna
make a nice special dinner for me and
I'm gonna go and have a sandwich because
I haven't eaten really anything and I am
hungry so I figured I better eat
something rather than just leaving my
stomach empty and here Dutch brothers
they give you a free coffee for your
birthday so I'm gonna go and get instead
of a coffee I'm gonna go get my tea um
and then I don't know what I I don't
think we're really doing much I'm not
getting out of the car he has to go to
the store to give them stuff for the
dinner tonight but I'm not getting out I
just I don't feel good enough and as you
can see I just I clearly AM NOT um not
filling it today so anyways I just
wanted to check in with you guys let you
know yes it is my birthday I am trying
to make the best of it I don't feel 100%
but it's okay for the better part of it
I'm spending it with my family and
that's what matters so I hope you guys
are having a wonderful start of your day
and I will check in with you guys in a
little bit okay so I just waited got my
birthday coffee and I went for something
different today I normally get my tea
this is supposed to be zero calories so
I don't know I didn't have time to check
it I'm just going by what the lady said
but it's a
[Music]
sugar free caffeine free for Ave with
chocolate and caramel it's okay
although I feel like I taste the
caffeine in it so I really pray that
there isn't caffeine because I don't
drink caffeine and with all my stomach
issues kind of living on the edge right
now so we'll see how this goes happy you
mean so we are at the end of Sunday
August 26 the day I turn 25 I will say
today I turned but it's all good
hey it all works right Ragini we're all
gonna age at some point so you might as
well have fun with it like I have
mentioned in the past I have a 93 year
old grandma so hopefully I'll live a
long life especially with me now
starting to take care of myself maybe
that will be a so um gosh tonight I'm
feeling so much better than even today
earlier as I was saying earlier I just
today my stomach wasn't hurting but I
think from being sick yesterday last
night at least I think it just kind of
played over into today like my stomach
was just still feeling like really weak
and so I just made for a like a day but
tonight I'm feeling a hundred times
better I cleaned the kitchen after
dinner yes on my birthday but that's
really all the movement I've gotten
today in fact today Olli just let me
kind of just well we went out and we got
a coffee you could see it right there
yeah so what's in it has been drink by
my kids which don't worry yeah does not
have caffeine in it it's sugar-free it's
every type of free you could get
including the price
and that's why I got it today because it
was a free drink so I was like well I'll
just branch out and just try it but no I
too bad I didn't stick with my tea
because you know yeah I was not filling
it I think I drink like that much and
the rest of it my three kids have been
sipping on it and I'm just like whatever
I don't have my treat I could care less
at this point but after we came home we
had a good stop at the grocery store and
he ran and got a couple things for
dinner and then we came home and I
stayed in this room all day long and it
was so nice I literally I had the
windows open
I had my fan going I had my essential
oils blowing which I finally got the
ones that I wanted from Amazon and that
was the peppermint and the lavender and
I have the lavender going on in my
humidifier actually out in the kitchen
and that's getting my living room
smelling like lavender and then in here
I have the peppermint because of helping
with my stomach so that's why I was like
well do the peppermint tonight and that
way then maybe it will kind of help a
little bit with like the uneasiness of
my stomach and stuff and maybe that's
what kind of helped me I don't know but
my stomach is feeling a million times
better but anyways it just felt almost
like I was on like a resort today like
it just felt amazing i sat in here and I
caught up on like all of my shows which
I was able to watch on the laptop
because I don't allow a betta TV in this
bedroom and the reason why is because I
want this room to be used for my
regenerating my regenerate just my room
that I can come to when I need that time
and I don't want to have to tuck myself
away at the park every single time and
so this room isn't for like having the
TV and and things like that so I really
keep that very
Mike's turn with like I didn't think
well I have my laptop in here but that's
obviously for work but other than that
that's the only thing I have in here
electronically sighs my phone but um so
today I just sat and I cut up on all my
shows and it was so nice and the kids
came in for a little bit and Ezra was -
eating some liquorice and oh it smells
so good but I wanted to let me tell you
but I behaved myself and then um sorry
I'm looking it looks like I have a
spider on my mirror and if that little
booger comes visiting me we're gonna
have a problem anyway I'll try and keep
focused here um anyways so uh I stayed
in here and look look at my dress I
talked about my kids causing buses that
is oweme oweme my cords oh excuse me
slippers but that's the cord to my
laptop and stuff the nasty coffee
the really smelling good licorice but I
didn't do it my bed I've got laundry
right there that needs to be put away
oh yeah isn't that great oh there's my
laptop over there yes my room is a
disaster right now but I had a really
good day and that's what counts so I let
it go and I did I didn't freak about it
I'm gonna clean it after I'm done here
and that way then we could start fresh
in view tomorrow but today all-in-all
was a really good day so yesterday I got
the perfume for my birthday from Olli
and then today I got a really nice
special birthday gift that I wasn't
expecting I knew I was expecting the
package for the essential oils that
there was an extra thing in there I was
like what's this for and so I opened it
cuz he's like well I don't know I have
no idea so I opened it and he had gotten
me a bracelet and it's one I've been
wanting for a long time so it meant a
lot to me
there's clothes for you to see so it's
kind of like a bangle type thing and it
it's nice because you can do like your
owns like the sizing and it has a key
well does have okay it's gonna all turn
on me now so it has a key there's the
heart it has the same and then there's
my heart and the same says you are loved
you are beautiful and you are valued and
that just meant so much to me in so many
ways because it was just like you know
with this journey that I have been on
for the last two months almost it really
meant so much to me because I'm learning
that I am loved and I'm loved even by
myself and I'm learning till continue to
love myself and I'm learning how to
accept that I am beautiful I might not
be what I think I should be and you know
I think we all have that time where you
look in the mirror or the mirror you
look in the magazines and you look at
models or torrid you know since they're
catalogues or whatever and you look at
the women and you're just like gosh if I
could just have that body
it's a plus-size body but it's a
beautiful body and that's part of I
think what women sometimes struggle with
because we do we we put ourselves up
against other people and say well you
know she's got a flat stomach she can be
considered plus-size but you know she
don't have a hanging stomach like mine
she doesn't have big old saggy boobies
and you know she doesn't have these
floppy arms you know and I mean you
could just go through from A to Z on
your body and really pick out everything
wrong with yourself that you would want
to change for one of these models and
you know I was watching a documentary a
while back I was probably last year and
how it was just talking about
those catalogs how you know a lot of
those women well nine out of ten of
those women they don't have perfect
bodies they're airbrushed a lot of them
are airbrushed a lot of them are you
know they've got the you know the
editing things that they can edit like
the extra rule that might be on the
stomach they can close it up they can
you know fade in certain areas so it
doesn't look like they have a role there
if they've got just say a big old more
on their chest or something they could
take it off I mean you know and I I
guess it really came to reality at that
time but it was still hard to really
believe and accept myself for who I am
and believe that I am beautiful for just
what I am I don't have to change myself
to be beautiful I do strive to change
myself in health wise and along with
that my body will change and it is
changing slowly and that's okay and
that's an acceptance but I am NOT
striving to change my body to be a model
or to be somebody or something that I
probably never will be I'm always gonna
have extra skin now that I've stretched
my skin out I will always have you know
the stretch marks because my skin has
been stretched I will always have a
little bit of a flabby tummy because my
stomach was stretched but it doesn't
mean that I'm less beautiful because I
have flaws that are from my body when
they were bigger and if anything you
know there is the same and I think it's
on I want to say it's on Facebook it
goes around on Facebook sometimes and
it's a woman and she's kind of holding
her stomach like this and you could tell
it was you know like maybe a a pre-baby
body or not a pre-baby body but a body
that just carried a baby or whatever and
you could see like her stretch marks and
they said these are tiger stripes that
were armed and sometimes I sit and I
think to myself you know yes I am big
and no nobody did it to me
I can only say that I am you know I am
100% account
for why my body is the way it is due to
things that happened that related me to
gain the weight but mmm I can carry my
extra skin and I can carry my stretch
marks with pride that these two are not
flaws that should be ashamed of that
these flaws were fought for and why I
say that is because to lose the weight
and to get to a point where you have
extra skin and you have stretch marks
that show you busted your butt obviously
to get to that point because you had to
lose the weight to get there and to lose
the weight is just as hard as somebody
that would carry a baby or you know do
other things that have scars a bullet
wound from you know fighting a war or
being a police officer or a nurse that
you know got a black eye from a patient
hitting them or you know what I'm saying
like if there's so many things that you
can look at flaws and be like well that
person got the flaw because they were
they did it and they did it hard to
receive that flaw yes I put myself in
this body but I'm choosing to change it
now and I'm gonna have those flaws for
the rest of my life as reminders of what
I was at one time and these flaws are
painful they're painful to walk is
painful to breathe sometimes it's tiring
it's tiring sometimes when I was you
know even 30 33 pounds bigger there were
days that I just you know I just want to
stop breathing I just wanted to stop
because it was so tiring to even take a
breath so to be able to breathe
and not be in pain and to be able to
walk and not hurt but still carry the
flaws of what was the aftermath of what
happened to my body during the time that
I was sick mentally emotionally
physically I will probably carry those
flaws and not be ashamed of them and I
told Olly yesterday I said you know I
have this really pretty nightie that I
bought mmm probably about six months ago
I want to say and it's got matching
panties and it's it's a very pretty very
very pretty
nightie and I have it tucked away I
haven't worn it I was ashamed to wear it
once I got it
not because of him by all means but I
was ashamed because of my flaws I
haven't been able to 100% dil with the
acceptance of what I am and as much as
my husband tells me you're beautiful Amy
I love you I'm so attracted to you in
the back of my mind I still I still
allow those words to read you're lying
to me you're just saying that because
you want to be nice to me how can you be
attracted to this how could you love
this you know and I have even said at
times you know honey look at her how
could you love somebody like me when you
could find someone beautiful like that
and you know look at me just like like a
deer in headlights like are you kidding
me right now like you're really gonna
say that to me and he's just like Amy
it's not about the looks it's nothing
about the looks he said first of all I
find you absolutely beautiful but I also
didn't just fall in love with you
because of your beauty I fell in love
with you because of the woman you are I
wanted I was honored to give you my last
name and care
I was honored to allow you to be able to
carry my babies and I knew that you
would raise my children up just the way
I would want them to be raised and I
just I sat there and he said but you
look at her and I don't see that I don't
see that she would be a woman that I
would even be attracted to not saying
she's a bad person but that's not who I
was I wasn't attracted to that I was
directly attracted to you the minute I
seen your picture and that was before or
he didn't even see my picture until a
week or so after we start talking we
didn't even exchange pictures right away
and so he didn't even know what I look
like so he literally got to know the
first couple of conversations without
even knowing what my picture looked like
and that's what he said drew him in so
when I got this bracelet and I read the
the message on it he looked at me and he
smiled and I knew exactly what he meant
when I when I read it I knew exactly
what the message was he was telling me
to remind myself that I am loved by him
and by so many that I am beautiful and
that I need to learn to accept that and
accept everything about myself and I am
valued by so many and by him and I
should be by myself and that those three
words loved beautiful and valued are
such three amazing powerful words that
all women should know and should
remember and should put in like cement
in their brain so when they are
struggling they can stop and say no I am
loved and no I am beautiful and yes I am
value I am value to myself I am value to
my family
I am value to the ones that matter
but to the ones that don't matter it
shouldn't matter
and I just I absolutely fell in love
with this bracelet and I could not be
more happy that my husband bought me
something that meant so much to me and
it just it made my day so yeah there's
that but yeah other than that we didn't
really do a whole lot like I said I
really kind of took an easy day because
of last night I was kind of fearful to
really do much he made an amazing
amazing steak dinner which I'm gonna put
in right here
this was my yummy yummy birthday dinner
my steak and my Texas egg rolls
so that was my dinner tonight it was
such an amazing dinner he did such a
good job and he like I couldn't ask for
a better dinner and I ended up having
probably right about four ounces of me
and I ended up having one and a half of
the egg rolls which is really good
because usually I have four of those egg
rolls and I eat all of the meat so
tonight it was a really good I was
really proud of myself and then I was
thinking about tonight going and getting
ice cream to finish off my birthday but
I you know I'm really good I'm actually
satisfied I don't want to push it and
honestly there's no reason just because
it's my birthday to push myself past in
a comfort zone just because it's a
celebration so I feel really really good
and then tomorrow I might be going with
my mom for a breakfast birthday
breakfast but I already told her that
there is only one restaurant I will go
to do two I already have the calorie
count figured out and so they have
turkey sausage and eggs which is exactly
right up my alley of what I normally eat
so it's not gonna be like something
completely out blown so we'll see I
don't know we've been playing phone tag
pretty much all day trying to figure
this out so anyways I will check in with
you guys then at that point I really
hope you guys had a wonderful weekend
this weekend I really did other than the
little hiccup of being sick but hey it
passed through and I made a really good
day out of it so that works as well and
I also wanted to say welcome to all of
my new subscribers that have come on
over and joined my channel I am so
grateful for every one of you guys I
hope that you all find my videos
encouraging and supportive there are a
lot of amazing women on this channel as
well as myself we are all here to uplift
empower encourage support each other
100% some are not on a weight-loss
journey I'm not just on a weight-loss
journey
I am on in everything journey journey it
started out as a weight-loss journey but
I have come to know that there is a lot
more that needs to be worked on as well
as my weight so together I am fixing
lots of things all at the same time and
it is it's an amazing amazing feeling
but I just wanted to make sure that I
welcome to every one of you guys and
feel free to always chime in on the
videos comment if you guys have any
concerns questions that you don't feel
comfortable asking in the comments I
always link my every type of way of
return of contacting me through my email
and through all of my social medias in
the description so always feel free to
reach me through there I always get back
to everybody
pretty pretty quickly my emails
sometimes for some reason doesn't come
through as like a notification so I
usually try and check that at least once
a day at the end of the evening so I
will try and get back with you as like
in a timely manner but otherwise I am so
happy to see everybody here and to all
of the ones that have been here for
through the beginning of everything I am
so amazed to still have every one of you
guys here as well I appreciate all the
friendships that I have gotten that I
have been growing with and every one of
you guys every one of you guys have a
special place in my heart you know that
we all are there and we all come
together for such an amazing outcome for
all of us and we all reach our hand out
to each other at times that we may need
something and I just want to continue to
encourage everybody to constantly reach
out if you need something let me know if
there's something that I can do to help
I'm here for you guys just like you all
have been here for me and again for all
the new ones that have just joined thank
you so much thank you thank you thank
you for even taking your time to join
this community for even the time that
you're here I hope that you again stay
and find encouragement here as everybody
else that has pretty much you know
responded out and has told me that they
have found and
hope that continuing I can continue to
touch as many people as I can with my
story and with the things that I have
gone through because I think the best
way to to reach people is through your
own self life experiences and
unfortunately and fortunately I have
experienced a lot a lot of good a lot of
bad and a little of the in-betweens
so I have a little of everything to talk
about but again I appreciate all of you
guys and I will talk to you guys
tomorrow take care and I'll see you then
[Music]
